Laura and Almanzo





One of the hallmarks of our Hubert Family Homeschool was reading out loud. We read a lot. We read several of the Little House series including the original Little House on the Prairie Series as well as The Charlotte Years, The Caroline Years and The Rose Years. One of the things that we took note of was how the children transitioned to adulthood, sometimes almost accidentally or overnight. One week you were a student and the next week you were a teacher. 
Somewhere around the middle of the last century researchers started noticing that the qualities that normally defined adulthood were being delayed or taking longer to achieve. They coined the term "emerging adulthood" (2016, p. 3) to describe this new period of time "between adolescence and adulthood". This is a time of transition where more and more young adults are delaying big girl and big boy decisions and responsibilities. 
It doesn't have to be this way. We are still receiving counsel from our General Authorities to pursue higher education, pair off and get married and start a family. Elder Dallin H. Oaks (2006, p. 13) states that marriage is "what the Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters." 
All of this can be difficult in our society right now where the focus is on casual hook ups and marriage feels like it is a long ways away when you are in high school. So, what can you do now? Do you have to filter every boy through the eternal marriage partner lens? It's not a bad idea, but if that feels too intense, you can make sure that all of your interactions stay safe and appropriate. You can go slow and you can always say no. 
It's also a good idea to cut off a relationship early on if there are red flags and you can clearly see that this person is not the one for you. Any type of abuse, manipulation, or pushing of boundaries are reasons to end a relationship and move on. 
When you do find someone that you want to spend time with, what are some appropriate ways to develop that relationship? Just this week one of my daughters said it would be much easier if Almonzo showed up in his cutter to whisk her home for the weekend. That is definitely a way to transition from "acquaintance to buildup", one of the stages of a five-phase relationship development created by George Levinger (1983). During the "buildup" phase of relationship development there is dating. This is a perfect time to practice and implement wholesome recreation that is an essential part of a forever family.  
Some good ideas for a great date are low cost and low pressure. Here are a few to try:
Picnic in the Park
Mountain Biking Adventure Day
Movie Night (at home) with popcorn and snacks
Rock Climbing
Kayaking
Tubing (snow or river)
Attending a Sporting Event 
Fishing
Hunting
Bowling
Going on a Walk (with or without a destination in mind)
Game Night
Movie in the Park
Concert in the Park
Snowman Building Contest with hot cocoa after
Ice Skating
Sledding
Candlelight Skiing
Bonfire
$5 Movie Night
Geocaching
Thrifting
Planning and Cooking a Meal Together
Library Events
Volunteer Together

Spending time together in these ways will allow you to get to know the other person in a way that is dedicated and intentional (2016 p 29). You will have an opportunity talk, get to know one another and as you grow closer with one another and nearer to marriage you will be able to ensure that the Savior is the focal point of your relationship. If at any point you are looking for help to smooth out a conflict or gain more knowledge about relationships or marriage, any book on marriage by John Gottman (he has many) would be helpful. A few key points to help any relationship be successful are to remain calm when dealing with conflict, use "I" statements and keep dating. These tips are suggested in many books and by most experts. 

References
Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives Edited by Alan J Hawkins, David C. Dollahite, Thomas W. Draper (2016)

Photo: Cutter in Cedar Creek, Dakota Territory. South Dakota State Historical Society



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