Reconnecting is a choice

I first met my husband when we were seniors in high school.  We didn't go to the same high school, in fact, we grew up almost 45 miles from each other in rural North Dakota. It was a chance meeting in the hallway at a basketball game in Edgeley, ND where we first made a connection. That connection has lasted over 31 years. As our relationship evolved from dating, to engagement, to marriage, to becoming parents. Through all our milestones, we have had to consciously make a decision to reconnect. We have changed so much as individuals in this process, especially considering we started dating as teenagers in high school!

​
We didn't know when we first met how our lives would unfold or what the future held for us. We didn't know the amazing joys and heartbreaking sorrows we would experience together. Yet, we do make the choice to continue to reconnect on a daily basis. As I reflect on how we evolved as a couple over the years, I am struck by the common thread of reconnecting through our common beliefs. Although we vary vastly as individuals, for example, he being a night-owl and me an early-bird, we could easily grow apart if we focused on only our differences.  Reconnecting requires action. One common belief which allows us to reconnect is to be respectful to one another.  Part of this respect is to listen well to one another.  Communicating isn't just talking, it is really listening and caring about what we each are saying. Believe me, we don't always communicate well. Effective communication is something we have to actively figure out together. Many misunderstandings and hurt feelings have fed into this learning curve. Yet our relationship is worth the effort. Busy careers; busy days; busy parenting obligations... all of these things can fuel distance between us.

One of our favorite ways of reconnecting is through adventuring.  I consider adventuring to be whenever we experience new things together. Adventuring can be as simple as going to a movie together or trying a new restaurant or cuisine. Our favorite adventures together frequently involve being in nature. Some adventures are elaborate, like the time we got scuba certified together on vacation in Jamaica. Other adventures are simple like kayaking at a local State park. We recently spent Spring Break adventuring in Texas. We had an amazing time reconnecting with dear friends, Jodi and Jack, as well as reconnecting as a couple.

We focus on what we have in common. We intentionally decide to reconnect because our relationship is valuable to us. Some days are harder than others. Some times we go longer than we should between reconnecting, especially when our priorities shift due to a crisis or life challenge. Our relationship is not perfect. We are flawed individuals, yet we do make the choice to reconnect through respectful communication and adventuring together whenever possible.
With grace, 
Joysister Renae

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

OWL More

Image
I started thinking about my OLW for this year a couple weeks ago. Usually picking out my word is a strenuous process. And usually I forget what it is by about May or June. I knew I wanted this year to be different. I’m very music oriented. I can’t sing or play an instrument but there is usually a song playing in my head. I wasn’t surprised when my usual 80’s internal soundtrack switched to a hymn from church. I’ve been instructed by the Lord through music often. But when it got louder when I thought about my OLW,  I knew I’d better pay attention. If you google LDS hymn number 131 More Holiness Give Me you can sing along. My word for 2018 is MORE. And I’ll be focusing each month on a specific MORE.  January will be MORE fitness.  February is MORE self care.  March will be MORE obedience.  I’ve got all 12 months assigned a focus point. Over the next week or so I’ll write some more specifics for each month. For January I’ll be joining a diet...
Read more

Vision, Goals, Plans

Image
I am a visual person.  And though we all learn in different ways, I think for all of us, seeing something helps us process, and understand.  I have always found it interesting that when a person loses one of their senses, or is born without something like sight, their body often compensates with other senses.  When we engage our senses in our daily life we can achieve more.  This principle was applied to a wonderful phonics system (my sister HH Shared with me) which I used for my kids when they were younger.  The program had them repeat the sounds of letters with their mouth, see with their eyes as I wrote them, write with their hands, and hear instruction with their ears.  In a month my son's writing ability improved drastically from chicken scratch to beautiful lettering. So I want to take you on a quick little journey and I will need you help and cooperation if YOU are going to be able to VISUALIZE the end field: Imagine for a minute with me. ...
Read more

Refinement: Best Effort VS. Perfection

Image
Lessons in Refinement:  Improving by making small changes I've thought about this a lot lately. I tend to suffer from perfectionism. If I can't give it a perfect effort then I tend not to do it. If I see too many ways to fail...I won't even try. Some times after completing a task I look back and beat myself up because it wasn't a perfect effort. I might have completed the task to my best effort but because of my limitations it just wasn't perfect. Wow. Even just typing this it sounds so horrible...so mean. I don't hold everyone around me to this standard. I am happy and celebrate when someone in my tribe has given their best effort. So why can't it be good enough for me? No idea. It's only been the last few years (with the help of some very kind, wise women) that I've even become aware of this flawed thinking. Lately in my life I have been feeling a shift coming on. I've been letting go of some of the things I used to like to do, to spend th...
Read more

Receive

As women we are givers. Givers of life, of ourselves, our time and talents. I have noticed in myself and those around me, we are not quite so good at receiving and we have to put effort into being receptive to the service and gifts of others talents and time.  "I'm fine" "We're fine"....."it's ALL fine", seems to be a standard refrain. But. We aren't ALL fine. WE NEED EACH OTHER.  We need to be able to serve and to receive service. We need to be able to give love and receive it...AND EVEN ASK FOR IT! *gasp* Yep. I said it. Ask for what we need. When we need it. And then allow it to be given. It will likely take some work for some of us to get there, but I think we will all be better off for it. Together we are bringers, sharers and spreaders of JOY! Yes, this is likely the shortest blog post ever, but it's all I have in me for tonight.  ~JOYsister Heather
Read more